Belief
by pseudowritergirl
Summary: Emily is reminded of her past. Emily/Rossi friendship. Emily/JJ femslash. Spoilers inside. Warnings inside.


Disclaimer - I don't own anything.

Spoilers - Minimal Loss/Soul Mates

Pairing - JJ/Emily

''Emily? Are you okay?''

At her name, Emily blinked. She hadn't realised that she had dropped into a state of obliviousness then again people rarely did. Coming too though prompted by a deep yet concerned voice the profiler realised that she was still sat in the back of the SUV. Still had on her Kevlar vest, hadn't removed the earpiece from herself even. Her seatbelt was still on. She was just sat staring out of the window into space. Even though the vehicle was stationary.

''What?''

The distant Agent replied frowning slightly as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. The last thing she remembered was watching Sharon and Andrea Harris walking away from the crime scene that the man they had loved in separate ways had created with his partner. The look on that poor girls face the sheer devastation had ripped through her like a ton of bricks. When she had had to pull such a sweet young girl away from her Father, holding her in her arms. It had stunned Emily. That man had destroyed not only the lives of his victims and their families but his family too. Both of them had. Taken away everything that was dear to them all.

Emily blinked again frowning slightly as she figured out that she was unable to move. The case had stirred in her many more emotions than she had been prepared to deal with. She felt like she had been shot in the chest left unable to breathe. Crippled with fear and her own sense of devastation.

David Rossi signalling to the three curious men hovering around the SUV to get lost, climbed into the backseat of the car closing the door after he did. He hadn't had much time to pick anything up from Emily during the case. Not anything more than usual anyway. And she was as composed as ever, skilled and keeping herself under control. Not so that she was cold that was different. She had emotion for the case, but she did her best to make sure she didn't give away anything of herself when it hit too close to home.

But he was an old timer. He knew the signs and surprisingly he had come to know Emily Prentiss quite well. She had been weary of him at first only approaching him when she had to when it was over cases and important. And even then she had been one very cautious cookie. Eventually though she warmed up to him. Or he supposed he let her warm up to him when he had settled in more and let a few things go. They had started talking then and he had found quickly that there were many things about this girl that he respected.

''Whatever it is you need to say, it won't leave this car.''

Rossi pointed out earnestly, brushing off some imaginary lint from his shirt before scratching through his beard. Taking a long breath in he glanced over toward the clearly overwhelmed brunette. There had always been something common that they had related over and that was the darkness of their past. It was true; every single one of this team had some of that there for themselves. Aaron Hotchner had watched his Father break his Mother's heart over and over again, drinking himself into an earlier grave. Spencer Reid had been there to witness his Mother spiral into a completely different woman, tortured by her illness. Derek Morgan lived with the haunting of his abuse. Penelope Garcia had lost her parents to a reckless car accident caused by a drunk. And Jennifer Jareau pretended she was the happy small town girl when really there had been demons to run away from back there. Those he wasn't sure about yet.

Still there was something about Emily's darkness that he seemed to connect to more. Perhaps they were just similar people; perhaps their experiences had reflected the others. He wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the thought that if he ever had children, he would have been over the moon to have a daughter like Emily. And maybe she related to him because her own Father had never felt that way about her.

''He used to hit her.''

She suddenly said as though she had known his thoughts had turned onto her Father. She didn't look at him, looked straight ahead eyes wide with shock. Maybe shock that she had said it, maybe from this sudden upheaval inside of her that had taken place.

''Your Mother?''

He asked softly but not patronisingly. Emily just nodded the force of feeling still making it hard for her to move a lot. Making it hard for her to take a steady breath. She was a strong woman that came from a strong family. It had been drilled into her that weakness was not accepted and part of that weakness was talking. Talking about private matters was not tolerated. But Emily had never been the same colour as her family. Had never been part of their clan. She was different.

''Did he hit you?''

Rossi asked keeping the same tone as before. Emily nodded again, keeping the same demeanour as before.

''Not as often. Not as badly. But by the time he got to me he would be tired or drunk.''

She explained not as an excuse but as part of the story. Rossi nodded, taking in an almost silent breath before letting it out just as silently.

''What did you do about it?''

This time Emily looked at him. He could see the shadow of that strange connecting darkness within her eyes reflected by the glimmer of unshed tears.

''I hit him back. Over and over again. Enough was enough he had caused enough damage and my Mother clearly wasn't going to stop him. She always portrayed herself…_portrays_ herself…as being strong. But she never did anything. She denied it.''

An ounce of venom seeped into her tone though it was twisted around a tone of sorrow and even bewilderment. Emily had always been confused. Logically she knew, she had studied it but when you saw the psychology of marital and parental violence in your own home it wasn't about logic anymore. It was the contrast, the lie she couldn't deal with. On the outside the Prentiss family has been perfect. They were rich; they were highly influential, political and powerful. Especially Elizabeth Prentiss. On the inside the husband couldn't cope with being beneath his wife and took it out on her, took it out on his daughter who even posed a threat to his manhood.

''She didn't appreciate your protection did she?''

Although Rossi posed it as a question they both knew it wasn't. Emily let out a shaky sigh, rolling her tongue along her lip as she shook her head.

''No. She said that I shouldn't have interfered. She told me that love came with pain and sometimes to make something work you had to sacrifice something.''

Her Mother's words from back then rang in Emily's ears. Those words had sabotaged a lot more relationships than Emily cared to admit. They had scared the shit out of her.

''In Colorado, is that why you told Cyrus you were the FBI Agent instead of Reid? Why you told us that you could take it?''

Like her Mother's words were ringing in Emily's ears, Emily's words were ringing in Rossi's. That particular moment in time had to be up there with his most hated.

''Yes.''

Rossi nodded lightly his jaw clenching slightly as he supposed that for Emily to be able to take a beating like that she would have experienced worse and known she would come out the other side. She had sacrificed something like her Mother had told her. But it had been for the greater good, for the lives of everyone else within that compound.

''You haven't told JJ.''

He said remembering the look on the blonde's face. The way she had reacted sick to her stomach in a different way the rest of them had been. The kind of sick you feel when you know the person you love is in mortal danger, can hear them being hurt. Thinking about it now there was no realisation there in JJ's eyes. Nothing to indicate that she knew Emily had been through this before. She along with the rest of them thought that the profiler was doing what she had to do at the time.

''No.''

''You know, your Mother was wrong. You've proved that.''

Rossi pointed out gently making Emily blink and look at him again that coil of fear promptly returning into soulful eyes.

''What if I haven't? What if one day something changes? What if one of those days I'll do it too?''

She questioned clearly afraid but asking anyway which told Rossi plenty about what he needed to know about Emily Prentiss. He took another breath in this time reaching out to put his hand on her shoulder and give her a light squeeze.

''You listen to me now kid. You are not your Mother. And you are not your Father. Now I know this is all linking deeper and deeper into your own family but you have to stop that. What you are is different. You have a lot of strength and a lot of courage. Your Mom, Sharon Harris…they denied it. What did you do? You endeavoured to protect. It's what you always do and you do it well. That's why you're here, isn't it? That's why you were willing to let Cyrus do what he did. Because you knew you were protecting everybody in that compound. I've seen you do it over and over again. And I've seen you being just you, and you know what? You're a beautiful girl Emily with a courageous heart and a strong will and an honest and loving soul. That's why in the end you forgot your Mother's words and made your own family. The family that's waiting for you at home that you will never ever turn on like that.''

Emily stalled, the well of fear and pain dissipating slightly in her chest as Rossi's words. The ones that she had always hoped to hear off either parent. The ones she hoped to hear from her Mother, but instead had met harsh contempt and disappointment. Or maybe it was jealousy. Maybe she was stronger in an entirely different way. Emily had always stood up for herself and what she wanted, what she believed in. That was why she was in the FBI why she was with the woman of her dreams rather than some political body married to some guy that she didn't love or didn't love her or worse was like her Father. It was why she had stood up to her Father at the tender age of 16 when she had grown tall enough and strong enough to gain a bit of leverage on him. He was still bigger and stronger but she had used the advantage of his drinking and she had taken classes. Her trainer had showed her exactly how to defend herself and take out a bigger man. Thankfully it had jarred him enough to leave.

Yet here she was sitting in the back of a car wrapped in her FBI gear right off the bat of a soul shocking case and her family waiting for her arrival home. Yet here she was with David Rossi the unexpected surrogate Father she had long given up hope on gaining and she was stunned.

''Thank you. Thank you.''

Rossi nodded smiling lightly at her hushed tone. She had moved her hand onto his squeezing it to punctuate the thanks.

''You're welcome. I realise there's some other things but I'm guessing you need to figure those things out with JJ. Which of course means telling her the truth.''

Emily nodded sighing slightly. She knew it had been coming. She had buried the truth about her family since that day when she was 16. Had battled between feeling abandoned by her Mother, ashamed for retaliating back at her Father rather than handling it without violence. Some part of her think she snapped another part of her thought he got what he deserved while even another part of her thought it had been the only way to show him she wouldn't bow down to him and she wouldn't let her Mother either even if she didn't want her help.

She had told herself that she didn't know why she had never told JJ. But she knew that was a lie. Emily hadn't told JJ because she was too afraid that JJ would be afraid of her or wonder if it would ever happen. She was scared of JJ looking at her like she was tainted or something less than what she had fallen in love with. And the more time had passed the harder it was to say. But she couldn't do that anymore. There were many things that she needed to let go of so she could move on. So she could believe in herself. So she could be who she wanted to be not only for herself not only for JJ but also for their son.

''I know I have to, I'm just afraid to.''

''What are you afraid of?''

Emily snorted lightly, grunting ever so quietly as she shrugged.

''That she'll see me differently. That I won't be good enough for either of them.''

She admitted tenderly, biting down on her bottom lip after the words had fallen out. If she was so haunted, if she came from violence, how could she be a good wife? A good Mother? That's the thing that turned around in her head. She still used violence. She had to dig into the minds of the worst offenders out there and then go home to such a precious little soul. What if she fucked that up? What if she let herself become like him?

''Emily there are no certainties with relationships or children. I'm a cynical old man but I believe in what you have because I've seen it and well, it's pretty damn remarkable. It's natural to doubt yourself and worry. But I think what you've experienced has turned you into the complete opposite. But someone decidedly more blonde and feminine is the only person that's going to get that across to you. Be honest with her and she'll show you.''

Taking in a long breath Emily nodded. Rossi was right his words of wisdom, of comfort and Fatherly support made her feel better. Made her feel like she could move again. Like she could make it home where she desperately wanted to be. She was tired and she missed her family and all she wanted to do was be close to them. She wanted all of this to drain away, she wanted to kiss her son and hold JJ smell her hair and feel her against her.

Rossi gave her shoulder another squeeze smiling with his own nod. He was glad that she had trusted him enough to get what had clearly been eating away at her out. He had meant everything he said and he was sure that this was her way of finally getting this out of her system.

''Oh, and Emily? If I had been there he wouldn't have had chance to lay a hand on you.''

Emily let out a small breath nodding as she smirked slightly in appreciation. She felt the greater more consuming feelings leave her. They left her with the residual loom of what was to come but it was that sensation you got when you knew you were in the thick of something bad but knew it was coming out and that was in the end a great deal better than keeping it in. And she had her surrogate Father to thank for that right now.

Washington D.C

Emily unlocked the front door sighing in exhaustion and relief as she stepped through the door and into familiar surroundings. She hadn't slept much on the plane, drifted off for a few minutes here and there. Everyone else had given the hour. So she had sat in the near darkness frowning slightly as she thought many things through.

One of her greatest worries was not only being rejected but being treated like she was a victim. As though she was some hapless girl who hadn't been able to cope. But Rossi had made her realise something. She wasn't a victim she had chosen a completely different path. Whether or not she would settle on whether it was the right thing to do or not to hit her Father back she had done it. And she had done it with the intention of protecting her Mother and herself. Emily had never just snapped out of rage like he had. Still there were the random thoughts relating to predisposition and what not. How many families had she seen where if it was done by a parent it was copied by the child?

Blinking almost numbly Emily locked the front door again dropping her bag to the floor and putting her keys in the bowl. She was home. The home where she could really be herself, let everything slip away. She took comfort in the atmosphere in the things around her that helped give her a little peace. And as she slipped her coat off and hung it up Emily proceeded to walk through the house turning up the stairs and moving up them quietly.

Slipping into the room where the door had been left slightly ajar, a soft glow coming from inside from the little security light that reflected stars onto the ceiling, Emily smiled. It was unbelievably hard leaving her family for a case. The first after her leave had been excruciating, to the point where she had wondered if she could do this. She had ended up on the phone to JJ in the middle of the night in tears and the blonde had talked her through it gently. They had fallen asleep on the phone together. Somehow she had gotten through that and somehow Emily knew she would get through this.

As she approached the crib she heard the now familiar and thrilling sounds of tiny baby breaths and little sounds and grunts. Peering over she smiled widely drawing in a breath as she tucked her hair behind her ears.

''Hey there my beautiful boy, what're you doing awake huh?''

Emily whispered genuinely surprised that Henry was awake. He blinked up at her big blue eyes focused on her as he shuffled on the spot. Recognising this as a sign that he wanted up Emily reached inside and lifted him out carefully, cradling him in her arms protectively.

''I bet you did such a great job looking after Mommy while I was gone. I'm sorry I had to go away I would much rather have stayed here with you. One day you'll understand. But I will always come back Henry, always. I love you and Mommy too much not to.''

Henry looked up at his Mother completely transfixed and secure in her arms. He breathed as babies did, seemingly erratically but sweetly. Neither of them noticed that JJ had appeared in the doorway with mussed up hair and a sleepy look in her eyes. She leant on the doorway not wanting to interrupt Emily's moment with their son, wanted to just watch them look at each other as Emily rocked him lightly.

The depth in Emily's voice tipped JJ off that this had been a hard case for her. Not that she didn't always mean it when she said things like that she did. But there was always something in her tone and her eyes that JJ always recognised to be the hardship of a case.

After a couple of minutes JJ pushed off of the doorframe and inched into the room, slowly moving in to wrap her arms around Emily from behind taking in a deep breath as she did.

''I'm sorry I didn't wake you did I?''

Emily wondered biting her lower lip softly as she continued to stare at the tiny boy in her arms, the one who was now slowly starting to drift again. Though he kept trying to resist. She felt even more at peace as JJ nuzzled into her shoulder keeping a soft but tight embrace around her.

''No you didn't. We missed you.''

JJ lied slightly; it had been Emily's voice drifting over the baby monitor that had stirred her out of slumber so used to being able to wake up at the sounds filtering through from it. She wasn't bothered though, JJ knew how much it got to Emily to be called away and understood her need to see him when she got home. It would be hard for her too when she went back.

''I missed you too, so much.''

Emily turned her head slightly to look JJ in the eye for a moment. She sighed deeply before her eyes dropped once again onto Henry who had given in to sleep contentedly snuggled into her. She found the wave of love and devotion almost overwhelming; it had happened the first time she had held him and every time since. She doubted it would ever go away.

''You know I love you right? I mean, you _know_?''

Emily asked intently turning around slightly so that she could face JJ now. The blonde saw the need and the emotion written all over the brunette's face and she knew immediately what this was about. She smiled lightly lifting a hand up to cup the side of the profilers face her thumb tracing her skin before she leant in and placed the softest of kisses on her lips.

''I know you love me. I've never doubted it. He knows too.''

She whispered sincerely before pulling back, looking Emily straight in the eye as she did. She watched as her lover sighed slightly deep brown eyes looking down for a moment before looking at Henry again. Finally after a moment of silence she looked back up tears brimming in her eyes.

''I never want to hurt you JJ.''

JJ smiled again shaking her head as her blue eyes shone with belief and love.

''You won't.''

''How do you know that?''

''Because I know _you_. You're not capable.''

Emily opened her mouth but hesitated slightly upon her reply. JJ believed in her so much and the last thing she wanted to do was break that. She had kept silent for so long it was painful to break that.

''I haven't told you something, about my Dad. You don't know…''

JJ shook her head once again returning her hand to cup the side of Emily's face.

''I do know.''

She countered lifting her eyebrows slightly letting the truth of it glimmer in her eyes. The surprise of it was evident in Emily's as she stalled and struggled for something to say. She was shocked but eventually the meaning of it started to sink in. JJ could tell that it relieved a part of Emily but also confused her and even somewhere made her angry. Not because she was but because of the build up she'd gone through because of the fact she had tried to hide it to protect her and that knowing she had known all along made her a little vulnerable. But most of all there was fear and sorrow.

''How? I mean…I don't know how you could, I never said anything.''

''Baby you never had to say a word I know you. And I may not know all the specifics, and maybe I don't have to. But I do know what he did and I know that you stood up to him.''

Emily blinked again feeling a little dizzy as she let out a shaky breath. To give her time to process and sort out the tangled mess of feelings she moved back over to Henry's crib, gently placing him back inside and making sure he was comfortable and tucked in. Before she stood back up properly she glided a finger down his face taking a moment to revel in softness and gentleness. In perfect innocence.

''Why didn't you tell me?''

The stunned brunette asked standing up straight and turning back to look at JJ again.

''You didn't seem to want me to know. So I waited until you were ready.''

JJ offered gently feeling Emily's vulnerability and how much she felt exposed right now. Not particularly a comfortable feeling for her lover.

''Why would you make a life with me when you knew that? If you knew that I could turn out like him?''

Letting out a small breath JJ stepped forward closer to Emily. She had to stop this right here and right now. Something had obviously happened in Florida to make her think about her past and start wondering about her future. About her ability to be a parent and her strength. About whether she would end up like her Father. So JJ took her hand holding onto it firmly.

''Listen to me Emily. I asked you out for a reason I said yes to living with you for a reason. And I love you for a reason. What we feel for each other is why we have a life, why Henry is here. You are never going to become your Father and I most certainly aren't your Mother. We're Emily and JJ okay? And I know you aren't capable of hurting me or Henry.''

JJ lifted Emily's hand up, placing a kiss there gently before she placed it on the skin under her vest over her heart.

''You feel that? That's us. I have never worried about it never even thought of being afraid of you. You've never hurt me and you never will. Deep down underneath the fear the horror we see the training we have the experiences you've been through the crap they installed in you, you are so very pure. And I saw it as soon as I saw you. It was so clear and bright that it made my breath stop for a minute. And even with the darkness we live in it's always right there and it's never faltered. So that's how I could make a life with you. That's why I love you it's why I know you love me, why we make love or laugh together or do anything together. And it's definitely why we had Henry. We are a family.''

Emily never felt the beating underneath her hand falter just as JJ's voice didn't falter or her eyes drop or cease to sparkle. Her own breath however hitched and her heart banged and stalled in a chaotic and messy rhythm as her whole body trembled slightly. She blinked enthralled by the mesmerising ways of the woman before her the woman that had such a belief in her that she could actually feel it slamming into her. Emily didn't quite know what she had done to get lucky enough to land a girl like JJ but she wasn't about to let her Father of all people to destroy it. Both Rossi and JJ were right Emily knew that. Deep down she did. There were things that would pop up sometimes she was sure that made her skittish and doubt herself but she knew she was stronger than that.

''I'm different.''

Emily stated still a slightly awe struck edge in her voice mixed with the hush and crack of emotion. Yet the truth and determination could be heard there too. JJ nodded smiling proudly in confirmation.

''You certainly are. They don't make us who we are baby. We make who we are.''

It was Emily's turn to nod swallowing hard as she let it all sink in. Let the sinking feeling move outside of her and the solid and warm feelings move back in. She blinked a couple of times almost not realising that JJ stepped up to her and wrapped her arms around her firmly. It was only after a few seconds that Emily got her bearings and wrapped her own arms around JJ hugging back tightly. Everything would be fine somehow she knew that. She was different. She had always been different and she had something different to hold on to. She realised after all this time that she could let it go.

''I believe in you. Which means I can believe in me too.''

JJ took a step back and offered out a hand toward Emily with a certain sparkle in her eye.

''Good. Now let's go to bed and I promise to show you in action everything I just said in word.''

Smiling Emily took JJ's hand without hesitation and let herself be guided toward their bedroom where the blonde definitely lived up to her promise. And when the morning came and daylight brightened everything and Henry was alert and active enjoying the fuss from his two Mother's the day before slipped away from Emily easily. She was too busy being a family with her wife and son.


End file.
